A Woman Wants Her Man's Premature Ejaculation ControlledThe full method of premature ejaculation control is described here.
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A woman asks if it is possible to control her husband's premature ejaculation. She says he seems not to want sex any more. Answer: Maybe your husband's premature ejaculation has made him depressed so that he is less willing to have sex with you. Happily, that is a problem which is easily solved. We find that when a man loses interest in sex it is often down to his premature ejaculation, and when he gains greater control, he becomes much more willing and interested in sex. But the fact is that it is nicer for both partners when the man can last longer during sex. Men who have premature ejaculation often try and distract themselves during sex, thinking that this will help them last longer. But the truth of the matter is that distraction in this way only makes things worse. Premature ejaculation is caused by a lack of awareness of the body and how sexually aroused it is, not by being too aware. Trying to tune out your awareness only makes things worse, and a man who does this may find that his ejaculation occurs even more quickly than before. The answer for premature ejaculation is for a man to become even more aware of what his body is doing during sex. This may sound strange, but it is only by tuning into the feelings and levels of arousal that a man can know how far away from or near to his moment of ejaculation he actually is. This helps him to become more aware of his differing levels of sexual arousal, how he feels as he nears his point of ejaculatory inevitability, and how he responds to differing levels of sexual arousal. This will give him the power to make small changes in what he is doing as he makes love, so that he can prolong the time to ejaculation or - perhaps - shorten it if he wants to. The essence of this approach, as you may have seen, is to remain highly aroused without ejaculating. So before we go any further, let's review the stages of sexual arousal. The first stage is the excitement phase in which the man's breathing becomes deeper and his erection develops. Next comes the plateau stage, where the erection is fully developed and there is a subjective sense of being highly aroused. At some point in this process, arousal becomes so great that the man moves into the phase of orgasm and ejaculation. Finally, there is the resolution phase, in which breathing returns to normal and the man's erection gradually dissipates. As you may well have understood, the key to successful control of premature ejaculation is to extend the arousal phase without letting oneself tip over into the orgasm and ejaculation phase. There are several key points for a man who is learning to control his tendency to premature ejaculation: 1) do not attempt to control ejaculation with drugs or alcohol - these are unhelpful and tend to add to the distractions which prevent you from gaining greater control over your ejaculatory responses 2) learn to appreciate sensuality over the whole of your body - sex is not a penis-centered thing, even though men often believe that's how it is best enjoyed. However, focusing on the penis is a route to disaster - at least, of a sexual kind! Such lack of whole body awareness is a swift route to premature ejaculation and lack of ejaculatory control. Great sex involves arousal throughout the whole body, and an awareness of how aroused you are in every part of your body. The key here is around tension: the premature ejaculation you experience is very often the result of bodily tension which has no other outlet; when you have some means of controlling the tension in your body - or at least stopping it building up to too high a level - you are much more easily able to prevent premature ejaculation. So what in fact does "whole body arousal" actually mean? It means a relaxed enjoyment of your sensuality, a state of mind and body in which you are both relaxed and aware, the kind of alert relaxation you feel after a warm bath or a good massage. One excellent way to help men start the process of lasting longer in bed during sex is to have a bath or shower with your partner before you start making love. And although it may sound simplistic, another very good way of learning how to control your ejaculation is to use deep breathing. Many men find that they breath rather shallowly during sex, when the natural way of breathing as you become more aroused is to breath more deeply. Let go of control is really the essence of this process: simply allowing your body to do what it naturally does during sex can go a long way towards establishing greater ejaculatory control and banishing premature ejaculation. There are various ways in which changing masturbation patterns can help you learn greater ejaculatory control. For example, if you masturbate (as most men do) then you can use this practice to develop slower bodily responses to the sexual drive towards ejaculation: start masturbating with a dry hand, and go slowly; don't succumb to the usual rapid dash towards ejaculation; instead, bring yourself slowly towards orgasm, taking your time, trying a variety of moves and strokes to see which are more effective at bringing you towards orgasm. Then back off: stop masturbating, or slow the rhythm down, so that you approach the point of no return but you don't actually ejaculate. Approaching the point of ejaculation and then backing off like this can be very helpful in teaching yourself greater control over your ejaculation. The nest step is to increase the sensuality of the process by using some lubricant - obviously, this mirrors the environment in the vagina more closely and gives the whole experience a degree of sensuality that is missing in "dry" masturbation. You can use your own saliva or some commercial lubricant - whatever you feel comfortable with. Repetition is the key to success here; using an approach which allows you to develop greater ejaculatory control in this way is certainly going to be helpful in overcoming your premature ejaculation. So do this over several sessions until you have developed a real sense of greater control over your arousal and ejaculation. There is plenty of information on whole body sensuality on the internet if you wish to find out more about it. But, taken with the greater ejaculatory control you can develop using the masturbation process described above, this is a good foundation for the next stage of the treatment - which involves you and your partner. This is a variation of the approach to controlling premature ejaculation known as the stop - start technique. You can arrange a signal which will tell your partner when to stop stimulating you during sex: this might be a tap on the back, for example, or simply the word "stop". You can use the word "go" to tell him or her when to start stimulating you. Here's how it works. Your partner starts by stroking your penis while you lie still, until you signal that you are getting near your point of ejaculatory inevitability. Then you signal them to stop, and remain still, with your lover holding your pens, until your urge to ejaculate has diminished. During this time, you should breath deeply and keep your body as relaxed as possible. When you are happy that you can continue without any danger of ejaculating, you signal your lover to recommence her stroking of your penis and she continues this until you are once again near your point of no return. If you repeat this between five and seven times in a period of time between fifteen and thirty minutes you should be able to rapidly develop greater control of your sexual responsivity and arousal. As you may have realized, the focus here is on the male partner. It is up to him to control the process and keep it working for his benefit: but of course it is also important that the female partner's sexual needs are met, so don't forget to make sure that her desires are fulfilled. The next step of the process is to repeat the stop-start process with fellatio rather than masturbation from your partner. You start by lying still on the bed and enjoy her caresses as she pleasures you. Make sure that you stop her before you ejaculate! Repeat this process just as you did for the masturbation-by-hand-caresses. What you should hopefully find as you practice this over a period of a few weeks is that you rapidly develop greater control over your ejaculation. More suggestions for lasting longer during sexThe man-on-top sex position can be exciting, but it's a position which makes it harder for most men to control their ejaculation. The excitement of deep thrusting, combined with the tension involved for the man in holding his own weight up on his arms makes it difficult for him to control his ejaculation. A much better option is the woman on top position, where there is much less tension on the man. Another great idea is to make some noise. Noise helps men keep in control during sex - it reduces tension and lets out the sexual energy which can otherwise build up in the body. Of course, learning to control premature ejaculation takes time and effort, and there will be rapid ejaculations along the way. But if you can maintain a sense of humor about these, they will seem much less significant and won't impede your progress unduly.A word of advice: don't use creams which contain anesthetic lotion, as these will dull the sensations in the penis and lower your awareness of the feelings of sexual arousal you have. The best way to learn to last longer is for the man to learn what his body is telling him - to become more familiar with what he is feeling so that he can slow down or stop sexual activity when he approaches his point of no return (his point of ejaculatory inevitability). It's an interesting point that when you as a man become more able to control your ejaculation, and you therefore sense that you have greater sexual power, your lover is much more able to enjoy sex in a relaxed way - it's almost as though the sexual anxiety and tension which results from the man's fear about ejaculating prematurely conveys itself to the woman and stops the harmonious flow of sexual energy between the couple. And women prefer whole body sensuality and sexuality than genital focused sex: what has been described as playful, slow, whole body, sensuous, massage-oriented sexual sensuality that includes the genitals but goes well beyond them as well. Women tend to find that men are too rushed and too aroused too quickly, so that they want to ejaculate long before a women has even begun to get properly aroused. Women frequently complain that men seem to be exclusively interested in their breasts and genitals, when they would prefer a much slower approach to lovemaking, including a gradual build-up towards the sexual areas. Your partner, if you are a man, may appreciate genital contact as and when she becomes more aroused and better able to appreciate a more overt sexual touch. For a woman, her whole body is a sensitive playground, and she would like it all to be used in this way - as a sensual playground. Remarkably, if you think of your penis in the same way, you are much more likely to be better able to control your premature or rapid ejaculation. So this means regarding your penis as a playful, sensual organ which would appreciate a slow build up to sex and a relaxed an intimate style of caressing and kissing before it gets down to sex itself! The rushed approach to sex puts a lot of time pressure on the penis and makes it all too eager to spurt! What this all amounts to is that if men made love the way women like, and the way men could learn to appreciate, women would have fewer issues with the way men make love, and men would experience far fewer sexual problems, including premature ejaculation. Simultaneous orgasms during sex Exercises to cure premature ejaculation Treating premature ejaculation - treatments for quick ejaculation How to treat PE, treatments for premature ejaculation |
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