Question: My boyfriend comes within two minutes after he enters me and I don't know what to do about it. I certainly don't know how to deal with it, and I don't know how to approach him about it. Is it normal for a man to come so quickly? I don't have a lot of sexual experience, as you may have guessed! We have been together for six weeks.Answer 1: Please don't be embarrassed about this, as you are in a sexual relationship with him you should be able to talk about anything. First of all he is coming too quickly and you need to stop what is clearly premature ejaculation. Two minutes is just not long enough to enjoy sex properly, and he needs to be stop this and last longer so you both get full enjoyment of sex. I assume he enjoys sex with you and wants to make you happy, so it's up to him to find a way of learning to last longer. First of all, he needs to know that you want more of the pleasure of intercourse. That should give him the motivation to work on curing his premature ejaculation. I have tried condoms which claim to make the man last longer, but they don't really work. Instead, you could ask him to slow down his thrusting when he is about to come, or even to lie still for a while until he is less excited. Then he can carry on. He should repeat this every time he gets near his ejaculation. Response: The problem is that he seems really wound up about it and indeed he often seems reluctant to have sex. I think he has taken it to heart and sees himself as a failure. I'm even beginning to worry that his tendency to come quickly is my fault, as he was with his last girl for several years and I assume that she would not have put up with his premature ejaculation all that time? If there are some men reading this I would be very grateful for advice on how to approach him - and how to overcome it. Answer 2: As a man I'd say, don't be embarrassed about it - my mates and I have often joked about a woman being so attractive that we couldn't last more than two minutes. And it's not likely to be your fault - except in so far as he finds you really exciting! - so don't worry that it is your fault. Find a way of working the conversation round to the subject. For example, tell him how much you like sex with him, and how much you'd like it to last longer. That will give you both an opportunity to start talking about it. Also, remember that you've only been a couple for a very short space of time, and things are new and exciting - like all relationships, the sex will cool down a little as time goes by and you may even find his premature ejaculation goes away naturally. Answer 3: I think he must have had this problem in his previous relationship. Men are either good lovers or they're not - and often if they aren't they don't try and increase their staying power. But if he wants to, then it will need a concerted effort on his part to overcome the problem. First of all, he has to commit to solving it.You need to begin by extending foreplay. He's going to get turned on, but that's OK as long as he knows how turned on he is. He can get aroused, but what he must do is keep a check on how excited he is in his body - and keep his arousal high without actually ejaculating. If he wants to stop his premature ejaculation, he's going to have to put some effort in. Maybe you could enjoy a little more kissing and caressing. Don't go on to the point where he thinks he is going to ejaculate. When he's nearing the point where he begins to feel his ejaculation coming on, take your hand off his penis and stroke his chest. Repeat this as often as necessary until he can take much more of you stimulating him without any danger of coming. When he has learned how to cope with his penis being stimulated by your hand for much longer, you could move on to oral sex. This will be very exciting for him, and again you might need to practice for a few session until he's learned to take more of it than before. You can give him pleasure in your mouth, then as he gets aroused, stop moving and let him cool down, so to speak, then go back to it, and so on. The idea is to extend how long he can last before he comes. All this time, he needs to be monitoring how aroused he is - a lot of guys ejaculate because they simply lose touch with their bodies during sex, so they never know they are going to come until it's upon them, so to speak! And when you get to sex, you need a position where he can't thrust much, as that speeds up his progress towards orgasm. So woman on top is ideal for this. Keep it slow and steady - don't get over-excited yourself, or he'll certainly come prematurely! Ask him to tell you when he gets near orgasm and stop moving. You might even lift yourself off him completely until his arousal has gone down. This might take some time, but if you start making love again too soon, or he was too near orgasm, he'll just ejaculate fairly quickly. You should just move around a little until he gets near - then stop. As you repeat this over time, he'll be able to control his arousal much better until finally he can thrust away for ages without getting too excited and ejaculating! This is what's called the stop then start method, and although it takes time, it does work in the end. And the original questioner replies:Last night we had sex, starting with oral, then intercourse and he lasted no more than thirty seconds. I was pretty pissed off and I got the feeling he didn't care. When I tried to talk to him about it he simply said why didn't I tell him there was a problem! So it looks as though he has no idea there is anything wrong. What on earth should I do next? Answer: Well, it's typical of a guy to get so defensive when you begin to question his sexual performance. He was probably let down by coming so fast and let down by thinking he didn't please you. That's hard for a guy to take. But you have to talk to him about this - you can't hide the fact there is a problem any longer. If you don't do anything soon, his premature ejaculation will just get between you, erode the relationship, and probably he'll never stop it. First of all he needs to admit there is a problem - and if he doesn't know that yet, then you will have to tell him that being so fast in bed is not acceptable to you. The you will have to discuss between you what you are going to do to stop him ejaculating so quickly. The previous poster gave a pretty good description of one way of how to stop premature ejaculation. Another response: Another man says - I understand because this happened to me, but my partner let me deal with it by resting every time I was near coming (I mean we stopped moving when I was near ejaculation) and I just rested in her vagina without moving. It took two months but after I'd done this enough I learned how to stop my premature ejaculation and now I can go on for two hours. |
|
