Question: I need to know what to do. My boyfriend has a problem with premature ejaculation. How would other men like their partner to approach the question of treating a man's premature ejaculation?Although I am experienced, and he has been in other relationships, he lasts no longer than a minute before he comes. He claims that the reason is that I get him too excited! As if it was my fault. I hate the fact that he comes after no more than sixty seconds and he doesn't seem to be very interested in doing anything about treating his premature ejaculation. Answer 1: Well, if you wanted to turn to drugs for a cure, there are several anti-depressants which have the side effect of inhibiting ejaculation. Of course you'd need a good doctor to prescribe them for you, and you would have to explain that you wanted them to treat premature ejaculation rather than depression, but that should be possible. Sometimes these drugs actually stop ejaculation altogether, and sometimes they make a man lose his erection, in which case you might want to try combining them with Viagra. The real problem underlying this is his ego. It's very hard for men to admit that they have a problems where sex is concerned, and especially when they don't know what to do aboutt it. Your challenge is to approach the subject of treating his premature ejaculation in a way that doesn't seem confrontational or emotional. One way of looking at this is to talk about how much you enjoy sex with him (you said in your email that you love sex and come very quickly, which is great, and is something to play on - how much of a treat sex is for you !) If you talk about this in a non-confrontational way, he will be much more likely to accept what you say and get the appropriate treatment. Above all, don't accuse him of being selfish and only thinking of himself. That will lead to disaster! Answer 2: I had a man who could only last a reasonable length of time if he had had plenty to drink before sex. This was, as you can imagine, not a happy situation! As you can imagine our relationship broke up, even though I love him to this day. I believe he is now being treated for alcohol addiction. I often wonder whether he would have gone down that road if we had stopped his premature ejaculation. Answer 3: I think that treating anything with drugs or alcohol is a bad move, especially something like premature ejaculation which is so much in the mind. And I have to ask you how much you are contributing to the problem by not stopping him from having sex with you in such an unsatisfactory way. Sure, you say you are afraid of hurting his feelings, but on the other hand you have a right to enjoyable sex and you are in a relationship, so you have a right to expect him to communicate with you about everything, not just what suits him. As far as his premature ejaculation is concerned, he needs to learn to stop treating you as a sex object and using you for his pleasure - brief though that appears to be - and start thinking of how he can make sex better for you. And maybe you need to consider making it less easy for him to have sex: he's young and full of sexuality, and no doubt happy to come in you every time he gets the chance, with or without thinking about your pleasure. Try saying to him that you expect him to start work on lasting longer, curing his premature ejaculation, and that if he doesn't then you will be treating yourself to a bit o masturbatory pleasure, and he can do the same. Question 2:Although I have been having sex for 13 years, and I am now 29 and happily married with children, I have a fairly serious problem, in that I have never been able to last longer than a minute or two in bed. Has anyone out there any effective treatments for premature ejaculation? Are there any drug treatments that work, for example? Answer:1 I think this is all in the mind and it is a challenge to stop it. If you can get hold of Gota Kola herb, though, this is one drug treatment which seems to be effective - at least it worked for me. Answer 2: If you have a co-operative doctor, he or she may prescribe an SSRI anti-depressant which can control premature ejaculation. In fact this drug treatment has been prescribed for that very purpose. Answer 3: How about taking a different approach? Instead of looking for a drug treatment, or ways to treat your premature ejaculation, why not spend more time arousing your partner with foreplay and oral sex? We women take longer to arouse, but when we are aroused we can come just as easily as you guys. The difference is that we need longer to get to the edge of orgasm. Therefore, if you spend time arousing your partner before you enter her, then she will get to the edge of orgasm and be ready to come when you are. That way, you can put your penis in her, continue to stimulate her clitoris and you may both come together. If you get the the timing right, it won't matter if you last one minute or ten, and you'll have the pleasure of coming at the same time, which is fantastic - a real sexual treat!Question: I am forty and I still come far too quickly. While we both enjoy sex, and my partner always comes with oral sex before I enter her, she would definitely like me to last longer. Any suggestions? Answer: To treat premature ejaculation after it has been a problem for so long may not be easy, but I think you have already heard all the answers on this forum. Drug treatment can be effective with SSRI, then there is the stop/start method, in which you get to the edge of orgasm then stop masturbating, oral sex or intercourse before you come, then there are some men who recommend herbal treatments, there is hypnosis therapy, which I have used myself, and then there is the non-treatment described by the last answer in which you have sex and time intercourse so that you both come at the same time after penetration, whether this is one minute or ten. If you are serious about treating premature ejaculation, I have to add that you may find it slows down naturally as you get older and your testosterone drops. That may be the one advantage of getting older where sex is concerned! Answer: Try hypnosis treatment. Go to a professional hypnotist if you can stand the embarrassment (though in fact it need not be embarrassing if he is a man and a competent therapist), or try self-hypnosis treatment instead. You can get treatment CDs easily from the internet.
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