How To Last Longer In BedWe have the secrets of how you can last longer during sex!
One of the most common question in the sex advice forums is "How Can I Last Longer?"Here's the long and short of it: you can develop complete ejaculatory control which will allow you to last much longer during sex!So here are our top tips for you to last longer in bed: Use masturbation as a way to train yourself to last longer before you ejaculate. Bring yourself to the edge of ejaculation - then exercise your will-power and stop! Do this with dedication and focus, so that you don't tip over into ejaculation. If you allow your arousal to drop, then resume masturbation, and repeat the same process several times, you will not only become more aware of your "point of ejaculatory inevitability", but you will also develop the skill of knowing when to stop stimulation during sex so that you don't ejaculate and can last longer in bed. What this means in practice is stopping thrusting when you feel you are approaching the point of ejaculation. To last longer, you then need to remain motionless for a while until your impending ejaculation has faded, and then you can resume thrusting. Of course, there is a lot more to the full method of training yourself to last longer in bed which you can read about here. Know the tips ands tricks which help you to last longer in bed.For example, you can withdraw your penis from her vagina and stop thrusting for a few moments during lovemaking. This will let your arousal drop and you can then re-enter her and continue making love. Though simple, this is one of the most effective ways of learning how to last longer in bed. Another method is to withdraw from her vagina and then to press on your perineum - the area between your scrotum and anus. There's one particular spot where pressure will help you to stop ejaculating - obviously it is easier to do this if you have the help of your partner. It may take a while to find the exact spot, but when you do the decrease in your desire to ejaculate may be considerable. We don't recommend the "squeeze" technique, because this can simply be painful and it doesn't really work anyway - if you apply enough pressure to decrease your desire to ejaculate, the pain is unpleasant and it feels more like an assault on your penis than anything else. Although that may help you last longer in bed, it's not an ideal way of achieving that objective. Here are some great tips for lasting longer:Become aware of your arousal at all times during sex. Which is not to say that you should become obsessed with self-monitoring, since this can remove your focus from the pleasure of sex and introduce an element of conscious focus which detracts from the spontaneity of sex. But you can occasionally shift your attention to how aroused you are, using the skills you learned with the masturbation exercise above. If you rate your arousal during sex on a scale from 1 - 10, and aim to keep your arousal below the number which you know represents your point of ejaculatory inevitability, then you can control your ejaculation more effectively and make sex last longer. Kegel exercises Although you often read that Kegel exercises are a great way to control ejaculation, this is simply untrue: learning to contract your Kegel muscles will not help you last longer in bed. It is almost impossible to clamp down or contract the pubococcygeus muscle hard enough to prevent ejaculation, and the effort required certainly spoils sex anyway. Rather, develop a well toned PC muscle to increase your enjoyment of sex, thrusting, ejaculation, and orgasm. Don't try and use it to control ejaculation. The people who recommend this as a means of lasting longer in bed or lasting longer during sex have almost certainly never tried to do it themselves! Press your penis on her clitoris, don't thrust. To excite her, you can press the end of your penis against the head of her clitoris. This excites her but has the advantage that as you aren't thrusting, you are going to last longer. Let her use your penis to tap her genitals - many women like this as a part of foreplay. When you do penetrate her, let your penis rest in the entrance to her vagina rather than thrusting it in straight away. Her most sensitive parts are in the entrance to her vagina, and if you enjoy shallow thrusts rather than deep ones, you will not only last longer when you are making love in bed, but you will get greater pleasure yourself when you finally do orgasm - a longer build up to orgasm always feels better during sex. She comes first - the best way for it not to matter how long you last! One of the finest anti-premature ejaculation strategies is to ensure she has an orgasm first. Since women do not "come down" from their orgasm as fast as men, she will still be interested in more sexual activity with you after she has come, so you can ensure sex lasts longer, that your lovemaking continues for longer, and that you are a longer, better lover in bed! Go for a second orgasm If you have already ejaculated, you're bound to last longer next time - and yes, you have to stay awake rather than drop off to sleep. When you've come, kiss and cuddle until she - and you - are aroused again, then make love for a second time. True, you may find the sensation of making love to your partner when you have already ejaculated in her vagina very arousing and exciting: even so, hopefully the fact that you are going for a second orgasm will mean you last longer during sex. Let her enjoy woman on top sex and sex may last for a long timePelvis thrusting when you are in the missionary position can really speed up your arrival at orgasm. Conversely, when she's on top, she can get maximum pleasure, by altering the angle of her vagina to suit herself, while your penis receives much less stimulation. The same is true of side by side sex positions. Obviously this is a great help in lasting longer. Focus on your pleasure generally, not on how long you'll be able to last!When you think about your orgasm, you speed up its arrival. Instead, try thinking about the sensations you are receiving all over you body, the physical pleasure you are feeling, the smell or sight of your partner....or something else. Just don't worry about how long you'll last. Try a new sexual position - several positions can help you last longer in bed.Having said that, lasting longer isn't just about finding new ways to enjoy sex, or new positions that help you last longer - it's also about you having the right mental attitude, a positive approach to premature ejaculation, in which you are optimistic about the likelihood of you being able to control your ejaculation. Make foreplay into a sexual encounter that teases and promises of the delights to come: the longer you extend the initial phases of the sexual encounter, the more rewarding the later stages of thrusting and ejaculation will be. Indeed, it's at this stage of sex that you might like to consider giving your partner an orgasm - see the advice above if you want to know why this helps in the matter of lasting longer. When you have fun in bed, and when you make sex last longer by extending foreplay, there's also the benefit of increased intimacy between you. Just relax and focus on what you are doing together - not on the sex part, because that may well increase your nervousness and cause you to develop anxiety which will only make you come quicker. Use masturbation as a way to develop the skill of lasting longer. As you know, by gently masturbating up to and around your point of ejaculatory inevitability, you can experience extended arousal without ejaculating. Hold yourself below the point at which you know you will ejaculate for as long as possible before you allow yourself to come. Each time you get near the point of ejaculation, stop stroking your penis and wait until your arousal has dropped before restarting stimulation. Now onto the positions which may help you last longer in bed. Start with the classic man on top position, body to body, lying horizontal - thrust gently and with shallow strokes until you are sure of how long you are likely to be able to last. As soon as she raises her legs or you raise your body and thrust deeper, you will feel more pressure on your penis and you're likely to find yourself well on the way to ejaculation. Of course, you can always take your penis out of her vagina and wait until your arousal has dropped before continuing to make love. This may help you to last longer, but a lot of guys find the technique ineffective. Like so many things in life, this is a matter of trial and error. Another sex position that may help you last longer in bed is to sit with her on top of you - she controls the pace, so you can ask her to make it as gentle or as fast as you are able to cope with! One advantage here is that you can suck her breasts and kiss easily. And she can nuzzle you and fondle you all over - delicious! A classic position for learning to last longer in bed is when sex last longer as she rides you. You lie on the bed on your back, and she lowers herself onto your penis and leans forward or back as she chooses (facing you). She can then control the depth, speed and rhythm of thrusting, so this is a very comfortable position for men without much pressure on the penis - always a great thing when you need to last longer before ejaculating! Bear in mind that if you both lie more horizontally, she can thrust in a back and forwards movement rather than an up and down one - which may help you to last longer. Squatting is not recommend for lasting longer - the pressure on your penis is too great! Side by side sex is a very useful way of lasting longer - sex in this position can be enjoyed when she is facing you or when she is facing away from you - in both cases, there is much less pressure on your penis. In all cases, just take your time - the more haste you bring to sex, the quicker you are likely to ejaculate. You need to slow things down, to relax and thrust at an unhurried, steady rhythm. With any luck, she'll be impressed with your ability to control your ejaculation!
Finally, remember that what one couple call premature ejaculation may
not seem like anything of the sort to another couple: premature ejaculation means something different to every couple, but one
crucial aspect of this is that it is only a premature orgasm if a couple are
left dissatisfied with the speed with which the man ejaculates. You can
therefore think of rapid ejaculation as being a condition where the man has no
control over the point at which he ejaculates, which certainly applies to many
men, so that he is left dissatisfied with his sexual performance, at least when
measured against his own desired standards. This finding is matched by research
which shows that the length of time for which a couple make love has little to
do with whether they describe the man in the relationship as having premature
ejaculation. Many pills and potions, tablets, sprays and cures offer hope of lasting longer in bed - but sad to say, they don't work. Some cause the penis to feel so numb that you don't feel anything during sex! With the advice given above and the excellent tips which follow, you'll find that you develop greater staying power and last longer in bed almost at once! Learn when you need to stop thrusting. When you are getting close to the point of ejaculatory inevitability, simply stop thrusting.....you can even withdraw your penis if you want. Control your breathing - take deep breaths. This will slow down the rise in your sexual excitement and put you back in control. Wear a condom. You may find this helps you to last longer - not all men do, though. And we're talking normal condoms here, not the sort impregnated with anesthetic lotion. Focus on stimulating your partner, not yourself. You can get almost as much pleasure from pleasing your partner as from enjoying your own orgasm. So step back from penetration, and use your hand or mouth to give her that orgasm! After this, you can get back in the saddle and ride to glory! Change how you thrust! Use circular motions of your hips to drive your penis round in a circle, so that your glans gets less stimulation. Use the sex positions we talked about above. Having your partner on top will very quickly reduce how much thrusting you can do and this will reduce your arousal and excitement. A mysterious trick. Simply place the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth, just at the back of your upper front teeth. Masturbate first. If you've been getting more and more excited in foreplay, with your face in her soft warm parts, perhaps, or her sucking your penis, you may need to cool off by masturbating before you make love. This will certainly help you to last longer. Stay in control. Think control! Don't allow yourself to give way to self-doubt. Half of the battle in controlling premature ejaculation is about adopting a mindset where you know you can stop and do something else to get control back when things seem to be moving too fast...... Press your perineum (or get her to do it for you) when you think you're going to come. This technique can provide immediate relief from the urge to ejaculate when you have mastered the knack of pressing in the right spot. Further advice on premature ejaculation can be found here. This is the most popular page on another site we recommend on premature ejaculation control, and this explains how you can last longer during sex - how to last longer in bed. I was very taken by a piece on About.com which suggested that premature ejaculation was not all bad. In this piece, Cory Silverberg made the important point that coming too quickly could actually be useful if we used it in the right way. After all, he says, what is the purpose of sex? Is it just to have an ejaculation? If so, then arguably the time between penetration and ejaculation, the time in which you ejaculate, shouldn't matter much. But if the purpose of sex is to have a shared experience with another person which both of you enjoy, then extending the time for which you can make love is much more important. Of course, if you don't know the answer to this question, then a discussion with your partner is needed. In this frame, PE becomes something that can help the couple extend their understanding of why they are having sex, and what they need to do to enhance the quality of their relationship so that their mutual intimacy and enjoyment of sex becomes greater. In essence, of course, this is all about communication. For those who are not convinced, Kinsey found that a majority of men, regardless of their age, reach orgasm and ejaculate in a little over two minutes more than half the time they have sex. For a guy aged between 18 and 30, the longest time from penetration to ejaculation averages something like six minutes. So men who complain about how long they last may actually be complaining about not feeling satisfied when it comes to intercourse - or, rather, they maybe complaining about the disparity between what they want and what is actually happening when they make love. Sexual intercourse, regardless of how pleasurable it is, or how long it goes on for, is not the be-all and end-all of sex; there are many more activities which you can share with a partner. So aiming for thirty minutes or an hour of intercourse is a narrow view of sex, and a narrow view of what it means to be a good lover. For most couples great sex together is partly intercourse, partly foreplay, partly kissing, partly caressing, partly masturbation, mutual or otherwise, partly oral sex...and so on. And of course, most women, regardless of how much pleasure they get from intercourse, will not reach orgasm from that alone. Further, few women would see half an hour of thrusting as a good time! In short, most heterosexual women have a very different view of what makes sex good than their male partners. Therefore, a lot of different sexual activities is most likely to produce the best sex. And men who do this also find that they end up lasting longer in bed anyway, without much pressure. A relaxed period of kissing, manual sex or cunnilingus gives both partners time to relax and adjust to each other before the thought of intercourse puts pressure on you to be a long-lasting stud in bed. Since she gets off with this, she'll be happy, and receptive to you when she's had her orgasm. You'll feel less pressure - after all, she's had an orgasm, now you don't have to focus on her pleasure in bed. Having said all that, it's important to check out her expectations. What exactly does she want from sex? Is she expecting to get off during intercourse? This is unrealistic. She may need to accept that it isn't going to happen.....so this gives the perfect opportunity to talk this through with her openly and honestly. If, however, you're not feeling satisfied a few extra things may help. If you feel that being a man means having an erection for longer than you currently do, then try masturbating before you have sex. You might even do that twice. That is almost certain to make you last longer in bed. If the problem here is physical, and you can't lower your expectations, then you're just going to have to do a lot of hard work to develop more self-control. But it may not be the right way for you to go.....it isn't necessarily easy, and your self-esteem is very mixed up in there. Relax, give your penis a break, and boost your self-esteem. When you adjust your expectations and think what sex is about for you, and what you think it's supposed to be like, base your expectations on the reality of how men perform in bed, not the fantasy that is imbued in us all by the culture we live in (I'm thinking porn here.) Self-imposed performance pressure can impact how your body behaves during sex, and diminishes even good sexual experiences. Because sex is a whole-body experience, you have to move beyond your penis, a focus on which is rather limiting for you and your partner. The best sexual partners are the most creative, imaginative, considerate and communicative men and women out there - not to mention the most responsive. That comes from the brain and the heart, perhaps even from the soul, so that a sexual partner with whom you feel completely relaxed and turned on, makes you feel good about yourself. then, the best sex ever target is even easier than you'd ever imagine - and it's really fun too. In summary, focus on enjoying your partner, and do what feels good for your partner and for you. Give your penis a rest from your ideal of performance and it will all be pretty good! If not, maybe you aren't taking the right woman to bed? |
If you're wondering "How can I last longer?" here's how.....By developing complete ejaculatory control, so that you have the power to choose when you ejaculate. That's done by training your body so that you can stay below the point at which you have no choice but to ejaculate during sex. And you know what? It's actually easy to do this - the reason you haven't done it up till now is just that no-one ever showed you how. We have a complete, easy-to-follow training program which will allow you to develop complete ejaculatory control in a matter of weeks, after which you'll be able to last just as long as you wish during sex! You can easily learn to control your premature ejaculation, and you can start right now! Click here to last just as long as you wish in bed!
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