How To Delay Your Orgasm !A young man's pleas for help around premature ejaculation - and what causes it?A 28 year old man
asks the following questions in one of the internet medical forums. I am in the early stages of a relationship now. So far we have not discussed sex but there's no doubt we'll soon arrive at the point where we want to make love. I care about her a lot and obviously I want her to enjoy sex as much as I do. Even if I don't reach orgasm I want her to get sexual pleasure. How can I desensitize my penis so that I do not have premature ejaculation? How can I overcome my hypersensitivity to the feeling of being inside her vagina? Are there any masturbation techniques that would mimic the feeling of a vagina so I can get used to the stimulation? Of course if we have long lasting foreplay so she's completely ready for sex, she may well come in less than two minutes, but I really want to be able to enjoy sex with her properly for as long as we both desire, and that includes the first time we make love, I don't want to have to worry about premature ejaculation while having sex. I have actually tried masturbating before having sex and even though this did help me to last a little bit longer, I wasn't as erect as I usually get, so that instead of fearing premature ejaculation, I started to worry about losing my erection! Because I haven't made love for some time, I also worry that I will ejaculate far too soon and it will just be a big disappointment. The first answer is as follows (from a woman): I think you are doing everything OK! I would much rather have a man bring me to orgasm first and then penetrate me than have sex with a man who thrusted away for ages and ages without bringing me to an orgasm. I reach orgasm far more easily with stimulation to my clitoris than I do with penile penetration and thrusting. If I had a sexual partner
who made me orgasm first and indulged me with a lot of time on foreplay,
I don't think I'd be too worried about how long he lasted during
intercourse. Honestly. I think premature ejaculation is a bigger problem
in men's minds than it is in most women's and in my view what you are
doing sounds fine. Most women don't give a hoot how long men last during intercourse if they have an orgasm first by cunnilingus or manual stimulation. I wonder is you have discussed this with her? Also, have you thought about a condom? You said that feeling her vagina was what took you over the top, so I wonder if a condom might help. You'll want to talk about this with her, since only she can tell you if your premature ejaculation bothers her. Good communication is key in maintaining a good sex life. And, by the way, I agree with Emily. I understand men find premature ejaculation to be very embarrassing, but as you are so focused on your girl, she'll know that no matter how soon you ejaculate. I also think of it as a compliment when my boyfriend gets so excited that he ejaculates so quickly. So please don't be so hard on yourself. Establish some communication and talk to her about this beforehand. As you may have forgotten, women are just as insecure when they have first-time sex, and it's very likely that she'll feel better knowing that you are confident enough with her to talk so intimately about premature ejaculation. Our original poster replies: Well, thank you both. I am in this new relationship, where we are of course both attracted to each and not far from moving into a physical way of expressing our sexual desire for each other. I really care about her so naturally I would like to be sure she is sexually satisfied. My concern is that I might be a bit lazy in bed, a bit too easily sexually satisfied (ejaculate and that's it....). I know I could do more. In my last relationship we did try sex a few times without a condom and yes, I did come much sooner without it. But in reality, even using a condom didn't completely help my premature ejaculation that much - so I used to give her oral stimulation before I entered her and indeed sometimes afterwards too; she would always reach orgasm and said that was the best orgasm she had ever had. However, if I could last longer and make her come during intercourse, it would mean everything to me. Besides which, my ex told me that she preferred to have an orgasm during intercourse, and I think that being able to only have sex for less than three minutes is a flaw in man's ability to be a good lover. A doctor replies: From what you are saying, I don't think you need to be embarrassed about anything, and I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Maybe you're beating yourself up over nothing! There are many views of what constitutes premature ejaculation. Unfortunately, most guys who want o last longer, or overcome premature ejaculation pay a lot of attention to those who offer a treatment, and naturally enough those people have an interest in exaggerating the problem! The accepted definition of premature ejaculation is "ejaculation prior to when a man or his partner wishes". Both of these definitions include the condition that both of the partners are dissatisfied with this state of affairs. I like this, because we're human, and sometimes we last longer, sometimes shorter. This emphasizes what is really important: whether the partners are sexually satisfied. Think what matters most to you: how long intercourse lasted, or how much you enjoyed it? I think you are very good at satisfying your lover, but you don't allow yourself to enjoy your ejaculation because you think you have premature ejaculation and that's not good. But did the sex and your orgasm / ejaculation feel good? Did your partner enjoy her orgasm? If so, then there simply isn't a problem here, and the issue is your concern with premature ejaculation - and nothing more. To back up what is essentially my opinion, look at these viewpoints from the web:
And of course it's natural when you're in a new relationship to ejaculate sooner that you want to. The exciting new novelty of your partner makes you more sexually aroused, and that leads to quicker ejaculations. Also, when you're in a new relationship you tend to be more anxious and that is often accompanied by greater anxiety. And as you may know, anxiety decreases a man's ability to delay ejaculation during intercourse. However, these issues get less noticeable as the relationship matures. If you can last for half an hour while masturbating by using a "stop / start technique", and you have the determination to use that technique when you are with a lover, it will eventually work to delay your ejaculation and overcome the premature aspect of your orgasm - you just have to be patient. You might also want to try the Squeeze Technique. However just a point - I was taught that the squeeze is actually with the thumb on the underside of his penis. It may not matter which way this is done as long as it's not from the sides. This is the best explanation of the squeeze technique that I've found on the net. Also, as you hinted in your original question, you can also use masturbation as treatment to help you overcome premature ejaculation and last longer. If you masturbate before you have sex with your lover, to help yourself last longer, how about incorporating that into your sex play? A lot more fun if she was to bring you off first! However, would you then be as attentive to her afterwards as if you had not ejaculated? This would look like this: she brings you off, then you give her pleasure, and then you both enjoy penetrative sex! You also mentioned desensitizing creams which can possibly help you last longer. They are available but they also cause potential problems, such as giving the woman a numb vagina, or even making you lose so much sensation that you get sore. Some of the most successful premature ejaculation treatments are based on techniques that change your behavior. In other words, you take your body's reactions and adapt them so you have more control. You last a long time during masturbation, but a lot of men find that they have trained themselves to ejaculate quickly by hurried and secretive masturbation - they're often worried about being found out while jerking off, so they learn to do it in a hurry. Of course, if you can still have good control during masturbation, this doesn't mean you aren't conditioned to ejaculate quickly while having sex. The best behavioral modification program for premature ejaculation on the internet is to be found on this website. So, all in all, you do sound as if you are an excellent lover but you have to get over some preconceived ideas about how long sex should last, what is normal for a man in terms of ejaculation time, and what you should be doing during sex. After that, you can get down to enjoyable intercourse with your lover. Other responses from women: I once had a boyfriend who used de-sensitizing cream on his penis and then put on a condom so that none of it would get into my vagina, and that worked pretty well. I know you said that your ex told you she enjoyed better orgasms from penetrative sex but let me tell you she is in the minority on that. This whole thing about
"staying power" doesn't interest most women. Most girls like a guy who
does exactly what you describe and not one who pumps away for 20-30
minutes before he comes (and then leaves us hanging anyway!). Replies from the original poster, the guy with premature ejaculation: I am assuming that it was good for both of us, and I am pretty sure she had nothing real to complain about. My point is though, if I only have premature ejaculation once in a while, it's no big deal. But if it happens every time, it's embarrassing, and even moreso because she got excited during penetration, and then, bam, it's all over! s I obviously don't want to just keep thrusting for 20-30 minutes without either of us enjoying it, I want sex where we have good feelings in body and mind and a lot of emotions are involved. While I understand and agree with you, I need to be a little better at not having premature ejaculation to increase my own satisfaction too. Tell me more about these
de-sensitizing creams! Although I want to be naturally good at
long-lasting intercourse, and at least last for more than just a few
minutes before I ejaculate. I am I have to tell you very relieved to
know that my partner is not going to judge me on my performance in the
bed as long as she is happy, and that's taken a lot of pressure off me.
Even so I wouldn't mind trying the delaying creams.....! Stop your premature ejaculation - with an effective PE treatment!
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